its been a little over 20 years since my lil brother Jeremiah passed away, It was first Time had ever been affected by death in my life Before then, I hadn't truly known what death was. I was aware of his sickness, but I had no clue that he was actually dying before my eyes. Then one day I came home from school and I remember being told that He was gone away and, That he wasn't coming back. I remember crying a whole lot because of it. I remember the stories told to me of the day that he passed away. Being told of his last cry. I remember the funeral, and My Teacher "Ms. Early being there as well. those things I will never forget.
What I don’t really remember is how I coped with that death, aside from the fact that I had no other choice but to Acknowledge his absence, I really don’t recall how I went about ridding the thought of his absence from his mind. It forced me to understand that Unlike video games, there was no coming back. My mind was not really prone to the concept of death until he had come and gone.
What I do remember is that, After he passed away, I began eating a lot, I also believe I wasn’t doing as well in school I believe that those were indirect indications that the death of my Brother was real and that I was heavily affected by it. Also At that time period. In school, In a sense I was being bullied (yet not really) by my peers who had acknowledge my weight gain and made fun of me for it.
Not to get so much In to that. But It all seemed to have came about with in weeks after Jeremiah passed away. My classmates know that my brother had passed away, they used to ask me about it. but I had no answers. I just knew it sadden me. At some point though It all seemed to go away. The questions from my class mates regarding my brothers death stopped,. and from then on, in the house, I was still eating up a storm, but also. in my house hold, it was like Life had moved on and nobody made mention of Jeremiah anymore. other than at certain times of year, if a certain song came on, or just feelings that we all had about him.
At some point over the past 20 years after dealing with the fact that so many people I v known or was connected to in my life had passed on, I realized. we don’t truly cope with death, we basically are forced to acknowledge that death is real, and being aware of it affects our emotions, Thoughts and actions based on our connection to the person. When we are reminded of the people in our lives who have passed on. It also Affects us in that way.
When I look back at how my eating habits had changed, I realized that I was trying to fill a void that was technically not going to be filled. But because I was aware of it at the time, That did not stop me from stuffing my face with Bologna Sandwiches. What I see now, is simply that. We cope with death, my Finding something else that may occupy our minds. yet the thought of The life of a person is never removed from your mind. Only suppressed until triggered by the things that remind us of a life once lost.
All I can really say now is, I’ll never forget the deaths that have affected me most.
Beyond that, I really don’t have much else to say.