While Also Watchin a Sista "Akt" yeah yeah..
Drama Drama and More Drama.
Seems like The ex is talking about us for attention. yet others are also talking to her about us because they knew what we had. On the other hand she's putting her self in a position to where she's vulnerable for that kind of discussion. It's like this.
I talked to Dejuan, He stated that she mentioned some old stuff that went on when we first hooked up that she had never let go of. yet she holds that against me as if thats the reason we split. i think its funny because she knows the true reason why she left me. and she has told that lie so much til she believes it's true.
The messed up thing is that I love to have this girl around as a friend. I let all that past stuff go. I've discussed why i can't be with her on that level again and she still hasn't come to her senses about that. I can never forget what happen. I have forgiven her. yet she does not fully accept because she has never accepted the truth about what he has done. and will never reveal. yet when i ask. the old details come up again.
All of that stuff does not matter to me though. as u can see, I still have feelings for her. I had never stopped.. Its just that. I have a lack of trust. thats why I can never be in that relationship. other than that. I have given in to her a little bit. i just don't think I will be as much In love as i was Ever again.. She was my First and Only Girlfriend ever. None Before, None Ever. she left when she was my all. and I wold love to keep her in my life as a friend. because she's a real good person to hang out with. I just think that she she needs to Get right with herself before she gets with me ever again.
She seems to be full of that drama, Somethings always going on with her or somebody around her. which thats Life. and although I wish she could change. it just wont. I believe that if she was more true to herself, she would realize whats good and bad out there. the best part is that I'm glad she's never had a baby. maybe she does have promiscuous ways Those things can be Fixed She hasnt really grown beyond that High School Level of a Relationship In My Opinion. and that's where she falls short. and thats why I also can not be with her like that..
In a way. I want her to read this. why? because these are true feelings. I've never stopped liking her. she Stopped liking me. I just lost respect and trust in her for what she did. Like i said though. I could care less about that. its Deep in the past. but if she keeps bringing fourth lies, i'll keep telling the truth when people confront me with those things. Just yesterday someone asked me why I messed that up. and other things . so I told him. I was deeply in love, and the only Girl that came between Me and her was Hurricane Katrina. Because I went to Houston and She was Still where she was. With somebody else.
Oddly enough. the cats that threw the whole Cheatin thing in my face were all in her grill when she was mine. did i care. yeah.. But they talked about her like a dog. i did not appreciate that. but thats them. In the end. I have God. to be my guide and judge.
I have my reasons for not taking her back. and The next girl I come aross will hopefully be God Fearing. and Sweet as a Button. .. Yeah I have Preferences of whats my Standard or Ideal Mate as in Looks and everything. Bethany doesnt Realize it But she was was part of what Molded me My Mindset as to what to look for in a woman. and she only fits part of that mold now. Although I could Deal with who she is. I refuse to be in a relationship with a Drama Queen.
Note From The Book
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