Change, Life, Things

Okay, I've been doing some thinking.

In a way, I think that It's time to change some things about myself. I talked to Josiah about it and he gave me advice that Forcing yourself to change is not a good thing, Well, I told him that Its not that, I felt something yesterday after the classic that just made me feel like I need to do something about the way i act some times. I think im gonna talk to Ashley n Kandi too. Because Its like this... When i am in front of a certain age group I tend to be Myself but just the Crazy side of myself... and then when I get infront of Older folks I tend to have some sort of shield to Not Act a fool or something. Its like a level of respect i guess. I'd rather be that way than get all Crazy, even during events like the one just passed.

I was telling Josiah how I'd be in school, Kind of one minded and focused on School rather than anything else. (in both HS and College) .. I told him how I'd seem to be One way and thats usually Zoned out, Even when i see people, Its like Im on a mission to pass or something. Usually during regular school hours I'd be so zoned out People would have to practically Yell at me or even come in front me to be seen so that I can respond.. Why? Iono i guess its that focal point ya know.. It even happened when i was at the classic.. I was so focused at the game till i almost lost where i was seated while talking pics of the bands..

In a way, Id rather be in a Relaxed but focused mode. but not a mode where i am to comfortable with who's around me or just Too focused to be bothered, Ya know? I just don't know how it'll all play out. In fact. I stlll shy up around girls I haven't talked too before.and everything, It's weird.. and another thing.too. When I was with Bethany I know that it was a time for serious talk and play talk. because we were on that level. I know I can get like that with Kandace too because we are cool like that (even tho we aint a couple) .. but lets say im around a group of dudes who were bandheads and around my age group, I'd be in this crazy mode to where I'm saying crap or doing something to make folks laugh or for attention, and usually i aint the one who wants attention. I know that at the battle and games i was there to enjoy myself but there's gotta be a breaking point or something. Right now, Life for me is confusing and all i need is a piece of mind. This is why I Love talking to Kandace , LaQuisha and Ashley,

It's Just time for me to start looking at things as if it was just something there Instead of having crazy reactions. Lots of the things I do and love is just a form of entertainment. and To tell u the truth. I ain't got the time to be trying to entertain it all. Just imagine. I ain't event the "Bourbon Street" " French quarter" type all my College buddies were out last night and I was at Home bored out of my skin. but thats just the way I am. But then, Just because I know my friends are out there I would go. but I didn't because I don't have transportation or anything else to do things like that. It's also the same reason that I'm always homebound. Just Imagine @ Bayou Classic 2004 I went out on Bourbon Street I felt that it was over rated ..lol The only reason I'd go is because its a fact that my boys with the TBC Brass Band would most likely be out there so I could holla at them. It's a load of things that I just cant do and i hate it. but it's not al my fault. I just need a new Outlook on Everything.... I guess thats life