Late nite and im up

So i might as well Blah...


So I've been seriously questioning my position in life, Its like I have so many people who look up to me as if im some great person, and then there are the people who want to use me for what i can do and what i know. Yet i have bo real friends to roll with. I need a social life beyond the internet, I need new friends. I want a Girl to call my own. I NEED to get a job. I need life!

I really need to get my act together or else i'll be lonely for a long time. I seriously would love to talk to Ai... as well but I have so much that i would need to do to Improve myself before I could talk to her. Why? because well for one. I need to do so for personal reasons. and 2. with out Improvements Nobody would want to have anything to do with me.

As much as i do for people, I never get paid. Seems like every thing i do always amounts to temporary happiness.. things such as hanging out at Games, taking pictures. All my hobbies. They make me happy because i enjoy doing those things. but at the same time. I personally feel that Im not What i should be So many people think highly of me and I Do nothing. Nothing at all.

I don't lie to people or brag about things i do. but I do have lots to show and say about what i have Done.. DONE its the past.. DONE .. its over .. what i need to DO is something that will keep my busy and focused without being online 24-7 like usual, but I dont have what i need. And what i need is a Social life beyond the Internet.

I want to do lots but i cant. I have no car so i cant drive to events. I cant chill with friends cause they live too far away. Im just not happy. Not happy at all. Hopefully by next January I'll be Making money.. thats all i can say on that. I just don't want to be alone in this world.

In a way. I feel like doing things my way with out telling anybody anything.. I wanna make some changes to myself, become more serious about what i do and what i have done. I need schooling, Schooling is where i can be social. Life @ 23 will be wild.

You know something, I'm tired of being used as well. Yes yes i do many favors. but at the same time people tend to get over and I don't like that They always call me when they need me. yet when i call nobody knows me. Nobody wants to see me till their PC goes out or if they need to fill something out.. or want .. which reminds me that i need to fill up my cousins Ipod b4 Christmas .. anyway. Its just the face that I'd rather spend my time making money and being social than being here alone doing thing because people want to use me.... ahh man

Hopefully I'll wake up early enuff to go get my hair cut. and take pics of my hood. I thought about riding my bike. but if i want to take the cam, thats not necessarily a good Idea. I think that i should walk. but that's a LONG way from here. lol I wouldn't mind tho, thats a work out. I gotta go see my hoods before they get torn down. THAT'S whats the killer too. 20 years of everything i once knew will be Destroyed real soon. and that's wild.. but hey, they cant take away the memories ...

Before i close this, I'll say that. I Love The fact that i have my online buddies. especially because they are part of the reason i do what i do and i have done things that i've done. Its just that I know there's more to life than this online stuff and I need to be out there rather than on here.


Its a shame because i also feel that i need to do blogs like this more often. LOL

Note From The Book