Thursday, May 01, 2008

I've been thinkin' and thinkin'

sure have. About what, about Her.. But yet about someone else

I was here for the past 2 days just thinking about how this girl I like make up everything I'd want in a female. she holds the charicteristics that I both love and hate about females, the difference is that She with that particular girl. Love every bit of it because it makes Her who she is. With other girls, maybe because i dont know them, it just makes them seem just BAD. lol like infact. I really don't know how they are. but i Know that she holds the mark-up of everything I'd need!  She's beautiful to me, The thing about it, She's good people, I look at her as a Best Friend. and I know that she wouldn't want it any differently. so I'll leave it at that. She's the truly the only one i can call at 4am and talk crazy with or talk serious with. I think she knows more about me that many of the fiends I came up with.  she's just that Girl.. The one that I'd love to be with but I'd never want to break up with.. and its the same reason that I can't be with her. yet.. thats what makes me love who she is! although I knew her since 2003. my feelings have grown for her and she knows because I've told her many times . but she refuses to be the one .. and its od because i love for her to refuse me. she's rejected my "invitation" so many times t'll i love her for that ..lol

And then There's this other Girl too. I don't know her like I want to but I would love to. She is a crush but she knows so its not like a crush. she's good people.,don't bother anyone, really talented and i really think she's amazing. I appreciate everything she does and im like real glad to even know her the way I do, she's my "Hi and bye" kinda buddy cause she don't really say much. but I think she's beautiful even though others think otherwise. Its wild to me.  and well. I hate it when people talk about her the way they do.  they don't know her at all. ishe's in a position where she's in the spotlight and there's a long line of brothers waiting for her to become single. but i feel that they like her because of her Status Now. For me even if she hadnt accomplished what she's doing, I'd still feel the same way.  She is part of the mark up of what i'm looking for... Maybe because every girl I tend to like is either born around the same time, have similar features or maybe around the same skin tone or something.  She's like that person that I would want to just talk and be glad to have around. maybe cool to be in a relationship.with.but for me I think i'll be good as the Good friend.She's that girl I'd love to meet my parents and thats what i want. a good one.

To put this all together. I think that If i had a person with the qualities of both. would do me well. maybe not the looks, it could be full attitudes, I'd just love that about the one I'm with.
yu know, its wild, because all my life I' tried to get a girl and usually they don't like me the same way. and the ones that do like me, I usually don't like .. its weird .. Oddly enough he ones i do have interest in are born in the spring or summer.. yet i was born in December.. why is that, iono.. maybe its Life.

For me, I just want to be happy with who ever i can find that would love me as i love them. I guess i dont really know where to begin. Also for me. I'd rather not date a girl with a kid. but at the rate im going. I had been single since 2006  and even while i had my gf. it was nothing.. like I really don't know where to begin with a female.  no lie I fear rejection. and I know i've been rejected many times. yet I know im not ugly but being rejected sure makes me feel that way. lol even from being rejected by ugly girls.. or at least the girls who are facially challenged. lol. Really though, I've cried many days from the time i was I in 4h grade, .. from there its been the same, when I like a girl. I just Like them and watch them Go on and find somebody else There are my girls out there that have the look and the attitude i love, most are not in one package and all im looking for is That Total Package. The one to swing my way when I do let them know ya know  how i feel no lie, I'm Tired of being Rejected for me. I just want to be happy. Happy with who? i don't know. but happy is what I need to be.

This might sound really repetitive but its basically where I wanna get my stuff together so that I can go and find somebody! and when i say Somebody I mean the person that will keep me occupied. somebody that I can hang with on a daily basis. somebody that meets the Criteria of those above. LOL .. somebody that will make me fall in love. somebody thats gonna just be there. One thats Here!! see, Those girls are so far away. I'd love to be near  my girl. and not have my relationship end up the way the last one did. As far as the first girl i mentioned. I love to mess with her telling her that "someday ur gonna be my girl"   and I know she really dont care for me to say that but hey. thats just how it is. I'd rather be with her than settle for anything. thats just me.. A good combo of both would be great to me ..lol

Luther Vandross has a song called "Wait for Love" .. a line of the Lyric's say "Sometimes Love Takes A Long Time" and for me, I'm tired of waiting. and if I wait as long as luther did I'd be dead too.. (lol) Rest In Peace Big Luther!. lol But yeah I know yall know how I'm feelin'.

"I Hope That You're the one. If Not, You Are The Prototype." .. Andree 3000's Lyrics, and for me, its wild because I'm in search of the something that could match who I am. Who I'm Lookin 4 .. and all The Good stuff...

I guess I'll Quit Blogging because I've gotten this off my mind. I have projects i',m working on. and I need to get to them. Websites to manage and blogs to read.ya know. My Typical day. Some things I need to change to make the move that will help me find her.but at the end of the day. I still think she's under my nose and she hasnt realized tthat she cant see it like I see it. Am I wrong for Believing this?   don't know. I just want to be loved.

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