Ahh!! it is ME!

lol.. Bored blog post

Ay y'all, it's wild. every time i blog i think of how many times i could have blogged between these entries. Why? because at those times i'd have lots on my mind and then it'll fade away by . like Now...

and oddly enough i won't be able to concentrate because my brother is playing his new PSP in here now and it's up loud.. he's sitting behind me so the sound is breaking my concentration. Yet It doesn't matter because eventually that sound will be blocked out.

Lets see. I have an Afro. lol...

Umm. I've been Listening to Michael Jackson's Off the Wall Album, and going to places with the family in the past week. well Parties. yep. iono.. there was one like this past Saturday but i didn't go.

Wow man, I saw pictures from the day of my cousin Chanel's funeral and one was of my brothers and myself. we were all in shock. so unbelievable. the looks on our faces. even nearly a year after her murder. I still think of her. and i always think of her as a child. maybe because it was the time we spent together coming up. .. Oddly enough. although they haven't solved the case. they found the murder weapon. from that point I don't know whats going on. but hopefully it'll lead to the murderer.

.. Sometimes I feel like a Failure...

Every day I wake up and realize how much of a Disappointment I am to my parent. I'm not happy with myself and I really want to do something that suits my need. Yet I'm picky about work places. but the moment I do find a job I will be able to provide for myself and that's what I will be doing real soon. hopefully. Other than that. I really have lots on my mind. I realize that I'm the only thing holding Me Back.

While I was in Houston. and even when i got back here. I blogged about the folks that will come back to New Orleans without a better outlook on life and wont do anything to better themselves. well I find myself with That New Outlook, I just haven't started the process of bettering myself. Now I Can't blame my folks for coming back, because They needed Their Jobs.. Yet. they were the reason I left school.. but oh well.. things happen. I'll get back in school someday.

ahh man this dude here!!!! ..lol WHY!???

anyway .. LOL The Weather is Crazy!! ..well yesterdays really! ..lol

Iono.. I was Watching, CNN's Black in America and I see that everything talked about are the same things i talk to my friends about and we have our disagreements but at the end of the day we're just us. ya know. It's wild though. at the end of the day, all we can do is pray and hope for a better life.

I watched the segment when they Interviewed Michael Eric Dyson and his brother. and I thought that was wild. because it was the prime example of everything that represents black males in the family. They Made their own choices which led to their current positions in life. and not only that. Mike even brought up that being that He was a yellow toned brother, most likely contributed to his successes as well. and it's something understandable because we as blacks do have discriminative spirits amongst ourselves.

I liked the segment on the Rand family, it showed just how much family matters whether your origin was a slave master or not. it matters that you keep up with your family members, because well. eventually All of that fades away. with that said I don't know the true origin of any side of my family .. i wish i did though. then i'd know for sure what Races created my Blackness. lol.. why am i even mentioning this?.. its because one day i talked to kandace and she talked about her ancestors not being Slaves. and I told her. It doesn't matter if your people were French White/ Black or Haitian origin. you're still a Black American and so were the people before you and THEY and They all were mistreated because the LAW had no rules against it. Also. even if we should be proud of our family history, why should we even be happy to tell people that our Their Family Origin Began with the Raping of a a woman. which is the reason that their family is full of Red Skinned people...

Shew see me.. I only know so far. especially after finding out that my great grandfather and aunts on my dads side has Seminole in their blood ... which may be the same reason that my dads dad was called a "red nigger" when he was in elementary school. Over time all that stuff splits up and is shortened to a mother-load of mixes. so It doesn't really matter how many and cultures races created my Blackness .. because at the end of the day, I wake up in my skin and I have to go through what everybody else around me has to go through in order to better myself.