Honestly, I've been lying to people and lying to myself when I say that I have no feelings for her and that she's just a good friend. Truth is.well Yeah she Is a one of my best friends. but it's wild because I would not mind being her man. She probably knows that I'm attracted to her, but being that I'm not showing it. she probably is good Knowing that with that. It would be great to make that final connection. but she's been with the same dude for years. and I'll never step in a mans way to take his girl. I have no intentions on doing so. infact. he's cool people. It's just that I have a habit of denying my true feelings for her because I'm so cool with her. She's told me about a situation where one of her fiends used to be her BF. and when they talk he starts trying to push himself back in to her life because he assumes that she want's him in hat way. But she doesnt like that. so she'd all me. I enjoy talking to her. and because of how i am. I really respect who she is and I won't cross that line with her.. but some times I wish it could be more.
She's not single and I couldn't be the one try to take her away from her dude. I like to call her my "hunnie "as well as complement her looks, i know her dude won't like it. but he assumes that everybody is after her anyway. but iono man. i guess I feel this way because i know so much.. at the same time. The Connection was made back in March and. I know she felt it at the same time she cant act on that.. there is so much i wan't to say. but I can't explain it. nor could I tell her in person. nor online. I'm talking to her on Gtalk now.
it's crazy how I get with women. I'm a very shy guy. but when around friends i'm very much open. it's just that I'm not sure how to release my feelings to a female without running them off by saying to much. at the same time. I wouldn't want to be with them because i have this weird fear of loosing friends. it's like. I know that Dating someone would tarnish a friendship as it has for me in the past.
I just want to get it through that I do. I know others see it. I think its cool. I told her that I even claimed her a few times. it sure makes me look good. LOL. It's a shame because a friend of mine who also told me that I was a Captain hopper and it's almost true. but it's not that. its just that these girls bestow the qualities I want in a woman. LOL. at the same time. It's hard to focus on just one.
For me, Being Single is Cool. yet at the end of the day it's a lonely place. and if i could get me a good one i'd be happy.
Note From The Book