Monday, September 11, 2017

Every Rose Has It’s Thorn

This Past Friday, I went out with a woman I met online, A nice woman. a great women, but she didn’t get me. she didn’t like anything about our time hanging out. she says it’s my fault because I was being weird. I tried to talk to her about the movie we  saw, and a simple disagreement caused her to go berserk about everything she didn’t like about the night. She figured I was trying to change her mind or make her think otherwise, all was doing was creating conversation.

She said I was acting weird, nervous, fidgety that I had female tendencies. I admitted to her why I was the way I was.  She also didn’t like that I talked about my ex so much, i explained to her that my ex was the only way I could relate to her referring to her situation with her ex. as well as It being the only experience I really had with a woman. 

She told me that she had tuned me out thinking it would get me to change up the way I behaved and talked but I am how I am all the time. Otherwise I’d be putting on a façade. I wasn’t there to get in her pants, I was very nervous because I though she was pretty, I didn’t know how to tell her that so I just smiled and enjoyed the moment.

She also hated the fact that I put “date night” as a caption for a photo we took.
Hey, It technically was a date night, no doubt as friends but it was what it was.
when I did reveal to her what I thought of her, she was like “I’m not that special  just a woman, you could have just told me u want to be in a relationship, leave the past  in the past and move on” .. But that’s not the case and also it ain’t  that easy

I tried telling her that I have an anxiety around woman and girls, she didn’t understand. Telling her about my past experiences with trying wouldn’t help because she lives for today, which is a great thing, I like that about her, she’s great. but at the same time, I can not put myself in a position to have my heart ripped out. I’d rather not tell a woman how i feel about them right away. All I was doing was trying to break the ice, but every time she shut me down, we just didn’t click. She said that I she didn’t understand the way I communicate. and that it sounds like I speak my own language. 

All of those things is why I have a hard time with women, I told her way before i met her that I wanted to fix myself up before i could put myself in a position to get in a relationship. I’m not every dude, I will not just approach you with all this confidence and want your drawers. I’m pretty sure she knew that. she called me old fashioned. I really don’t know what she meant by that but i took it as a compliment.

Yes, I make song & movie , wrestling & character references a lot. She hated that i kept singing to the music on the malls PA system too. That’s just how I connect with the world. I try my best to be a great guy, but I can’t be a superman, I’m not trying to me.  I don’t know how to be romantic, but I do know how to respect and treat a woman nicely because I can’t help that. If those things come across wrong, then it’s not me. It’s you. All i wanted to tell you is that I think your beautiful. but because you know that already, It doesn’t affect you. I was just soaking in the moment because I  haven’t been out in so long, I just felt good. she took me as a fraud and a lier,  NOW I FEEL BAD! She says she didn’t mean to come across as harsh but she does think I need to fix myself.  THAT’s somethin I’m working on.

With that said, What she doesn’t understand is, Due to my experiences, I’ve tried to put myself in situations to try and understand women, to befriend women. I didn’t have any female friends, I was always shunned by them.  I feared talking to beautiful women, they doesn’t mean I want to get in their drawers, they just sparks an anxiety level that  makes me  not want to say anything. I’m a lonely man like the hulk, Anyway the wind blows doesn’t really matter to me.

I’ve had friends who got caught up with women for doing the wrong thing OR being accused of things that never happened. It’s very easy for a woman to claim they’ve been raped, sexually harassed, etc. even if you do simple things like Compliment them or hold the door for them. Those things caused me to be very careful around women.

She said that Wolverine (her ex) had an anxiety to the point where he feared being seen with her or having a social life. the big difference with me is, I want to be seen with her, is that bad? she things so.  I want to have a social life, but I don’t get out much.  I’m just a kind hearted guy with a world view that isn’t quite like the current times. I just can’t be the guy who Smashes and runs or  a guy who plays women like toys.  I am not a macho man, I am nor Randy, nor am I Savage. Laughing out loud  I want love. I cherish my friendships. I value the people who come into my life.

On her part, She says “I’m gonna feel the way I want to feel, at this point it is what it is”  Maybe next time I meet a girl I shouldn't be myself, Maybe I should be hard up, maybe I should just be quiet and act dismissive. but that’s not me.

Yes I feel bad, and still all i have is music.

The songs that are in my head at the moment are

Pale Shelter by Tears for Fears.

Head over Heels by Tears for Fears

Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen

Hey Leonardo -  Blessid Union of Souls

Does anybody Really Know What Time It Is – Chicago

Tin Man - America

Every Rose Has It’s Thorn by Poison

Beginnings – Chicago 

Lonely Man – Incredible Hulk Theme

Loser – Beck

Superman  - Eminem

whatcha see is whatcha get – The Dramatics

Only those who like songs like this can relate.

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